[drhyde79]

Chapter 81: Nothing Ventured Part 1

Somehow, the two of them managed to sleep. Her, still coming to terms with what happened. Him, nursing his uncomfortable erection, and his fluctuating emotions for the girl he was cuddling.

When they woke up, it was already 7 pm. In the uncomfortable silence, both having lots to say, yet unable to say anything, a tummy growled.

“Heehehe… You are still the same,” Kelly giggled.

“Hey, not fair. Who was it that made me sleep through lunch and dinner?” Adrian protested.

The uncomfortable silence broken, Kelly looked at the boy, no, the man who had held her and protected her for the last few hours. Unaware that her silent gaze was the cause of awkward tension between them.

“Hey, stop looking at me like that. Will shy one okay?” Adrian protested as Kelly shyly looked away.

“Erm… Do you want dinner? We can go out or…”

“NO!” She quickly said, “N-no… I’m not… I don’t feel like it…”

He did nothing to show that he was startled by her reaction.

“GrabFood then? Just like the past?”

Kelly quickly nodded her head. He felt his heart melt at her action, warm memories of their past surfacing in his head.

“Okay, the usual? Salted fish fried rice with sunny side up egg on top?”

Kelly quickly nodded her head again.

Over dinner, they caught up with gossip about mutual friends. Laughing at some of their misadventures, gasping at the latest gossip regarding who got together with who and who broke up. Gradually they began to talk about the things that have happened to them since the night they left each other.

“So, have you held hands with anyone since then?” He almost slapped himself. What the fuck did he just say? Can’t he be more discreet in the way he asked if she’s attached now?

“Holding hands? Well… It’s kind of complicated… and funny as well because I haven’t really thought about it…” she rambled on in a confusing manner.

“Eh?”

“Do you remember the old me. You know? The silly little girl.”

“Huh? Silly? I have never thought you were silly leh. Who said you were silly?” Adrian quickly said, eager to make up for his earlier mistake.

In a slightly more serious tone, Kelly said, “I wasn’t always. Silly, I mean. But I can be extremely naïve when I wanted to. A lot has happened to me since we parted you know?” She added.

“What happened? Can you tell me?” Adrian asked, his voice filled with concern.

“I learned to be honest with myself for one,” Kelly answered. She was not about to tell him the truth. Maybe not ever. But she can share this much, “It goes back to, well, what you said that night. About admitting stuff to yourself. One of the things about finding out what the world really like is, you start to realise things. Connect things. You become wiser, smarter, harder to lie to because you don’t want to lie to yourself anymore.”

Confused, Adrian thought he would try lightening the mood, “And so what’s the world really like then?”

“It’s hard. Cold. People you think you know can turn around and sell you out.”

“Was that what…” he tried fishing.

“No… I don’t know. Maybe. I guess I just trusted the wrong person.”

“Who..?”

“Does it matter?”

Well… Put like that, it is really difficult for him to probe further.

“Remember us? Remember how we were?”

Adrian nodded his head. How could he forget? That was the happiest time of his 23 years.

“I was supposed to… I mean, we were supposed to… And we didn’t. I told people we did but we didn’t. It was one of a couple of lies I was living at that time.”

Huh?

“I’m sorry Kelly but you lost me there. What are you talking about?” Adrian asked confusedly.

“I love you.” Kelly went on, “ It’s funny back then how scared I was then of mother knowing what was in my heart that I couldn’t admit it was a lie, not even to myself. I think I knew, deep down, but I didn’t dare face it. I wanted you, I really really did. To feel you make love to me, but fear of what my mom thinks…. Then… And then you went out of my life… And there’s nothing left to stop me from being honest. It wasn’t true, you know. It was an excuse I used so I could choose to hide, to not see what sex was like. It’s a lie that is like a soft, fluffy blanket to keep me warm at night. Now, I’m not sure if I know what is what anymore.”

He stopped listening after the first three words.

His little head took over and he took one big step closer to her, penetrating her personal space until he was looking down at her with her chest pressed up against his.

“Did you mean it?”